My Me: How You See Me

***This was written on January 1, 2016***
***Inspired by Rachel SuperStarr Black***

Genesis 1:26-27: “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness…’ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

All focus and attention is on me.
I’ve got the spotlight,
I’m in the center.
I’m within everyone’s sight.
I’m the presenter,
The opening,
The act,
And the rest;
Which is awful, considering I’m not looking my best.
What?
You don’t believe me?
You think I look well and fine?
My clothes and jewelry and face creates this false idea of “well and fine.”
You can look at me and say, “That person has style,”
But I ask you, can you identify my smile?
Any liveliness in my walk?
Do you see the smallest hint of joy in my eyes?
See, this style is a disguise.
I’m hiding from the lies
And cries
That I
Have to face everyday.
You see someone who’s really got it going on,
But I see the person I’ve been all along.
When I stare at the glass reflector,
I see shame.
I see despair.
I see ugliness.
I look into the soul of this person in the glass reflector and ask,
“How can anyone see someone who’s “well and fine?”
Are they blind?
No, they can see.
They just don’t know the real me,
The me I have to live with everyday of my life.
I know the lies I gave,
The mistakes I made.
This awful load I’m carrying weighs me down to the grave.
Or, I wish it did.
I want to die.
I hate me.
Who could love someone like me?
Why would someone allow me to live?
Who in their right mind would make me,
Shape me,
Create me?
…Oh, that’s right.
God.
Jesus.
Lord, God above me,
Do You still love me?
How could Someone like You love someone like me?
I’m not “well and fine” like other people are.
I’ve shamed Your Name more times than I can count.
So, You can understand how I may have doubts
That Someone like You can love someone like me.
But You still made me, and allowed me to live.
What is it about me that You find so lovely?
What do You see when You look at me?
It can’t be what I see.
Is it my soul?
My spirit?
My talents, my heart, my mind?
What is it that You see that I don’t? Am I blind?
Show me, God.
Let me see me that way You do.
Help me love me the way You intended me to.
Who am I? What am I in You?
I’m tired of seeing myself as ugly and dumb!
That’s not how You made me!
That’s not who You see!
That’s not who I am!
I am a child of Jesus the King!
No attire or style or material things
Can make me any greater than I am!
God, I am Yours!
You made me strong!
You made me bold!
You made me excellent!
Smart!
Successful!
Gorgeous!
Talented!
Victorious!
I am Yours! Now I see
How You see me.

(c) January 2016, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

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Puzzle Piece

***This was written on October 5, 2015***

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thought that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (NKJV)

I’m like a puzzle piece, so odd and misshaped.
I don’t know where or why to go.
I’m like a puzzle piece, I feel so misplaced.
Where do I belong? I don’t know.

I see other pieces, yes, but I feel so alone;
They know the purpose they’re supposed to serve.
Mine hasn’t been made known to me, its reveal’s been postponed.
Can you share this information you’ve preserved?

I’m like a puzzle piece. I know I shouldn’t be here,
But I don’t know which way I’m supposed to turn.
What would it matter if I just disappeared?
It’s not like I’d gain sympathy or concern.

I thought I knew my purpose. Now I’m not so sure.
This frustration’s robbed me of my joy and peace.
I’m sick of this depression, and I need a cure.
Please offer guidance to this poor puzzle piece.

If You know all things, You ought to show me the way –
The direction, the road I’m supposed to follow.
I’m trying to believe in You and follow You every day,
Yet this constant confusion brings me doubt and sorrow.

Why would You make me like this? Why would You put me here?
What do You want me to do?
You said not to worry about tomorrow – tell me why I shouldn’t fear
When it doesn’t seem like I’ll find my place anytime soon.

Because like a puzzle piece, I have a Maker who designed me;
He knows all His creations by shape and name.
He hasn’t forgotten the mission He assigned me.
Whether now or later, I’ll fulfill it all the same.

Like a puzzle piece, I do have a place where I belong,
Somewhere my Creator wants me to be.
I thought I was small and insignificant, but I was important all along.
My Maker saw what I couldn’t see.

To those who feel they don’t fit in the grand schemes of life,
Your faith in God and yourself daily decreases,
Rather than accepting defeat and having depression and strife,
Just remember you’re one of God’s puzzle pieces.

(c) October 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

I Don’t Have…

***This was written on August 6, 2015***
***Dedicated to Fatima Imani Smith***

I don’t have the imagination to make you gifts and things
I don’t have the money to buy you diamond rings
I don’t have the kind of voice you’d love to hear sing all day
I don’t have the power to take all your problems away

I don’t have the muscles to make you feel secure
I don’t have the words to make you feel right and sure
I don’t have the intelligence to discuss random facts
I don’t have the artistic intellect to share how I feel about that

I don’t have the creativity to tell you in different ways how I feel
I don’t even have the skills to make you a delicious meal
I often times can’t share my emotions because I don’t have the nerve
I don’t have the means to give you anything you truly deserve

I know I’m not good enough for you, and my description tells you why
You deserve a king who can give you a grand castle in the sky
I cannot give you the world, but there’s one thing I can do
I can give you this phrase – this promise, three words that are true

I love you. I love you every single day
These are 3 words I’ll never be too shy to say
I’ll scream it from every mountain, every valley, every corner
I’m a stranger to many things, but when it comes to loving you I’m no foreigner

You are constantly on my mind. I think about you day and night
You are my rock, you are my Queen, you are my smile, you are my light
You are someone I know I can’t live without
Your sexiness sends me thrills, have no doubt

I will be the man you deserve – I’ll be the man you need
God will give me the strength and wisdom to protect, provide, and lead
A pauper I am now, just begging for a chance
But I’m growing and learning. I’m changing my stance

I’ll drop my selfish desires, I’ll forsake my pride
If it means that forever I’ll be at your side
Let me be there to make you laugh, build you up, and strengthen you
Don’t underestimate what my love is able to do

I may not be able to give you the world on a platter of gold
But I can give you much if you stay in my arms for me to hold
I may be making changes, but one thing is forever true
I will never ever, ever stop loving you

(c) August 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

I Want You

***This was written on July 20, 2015***

I can roam the longest valley here on earth
Passing by the goods that contain so much worth
I can look both high and low, but no matter where I go,
There is just one thing that I surely know

God, I want You. I can’t live without You for a single day.
Oh God, I want You. No force on earth can keep me away.
You gave Your life for a wretch like me. By Your Son, I am set free.
I don’t know why You choose to hear my cry, but here am I
Wanting nothing else but You

I sought riches and earthly pleasures, but now I understand
There’s no place I value more than in Your peaceful, loving Hands
It truly is a shame to thirst for power and fame,
Yet I never once considered the greatness and wonder of Your Name

God, I want You. I lift my voice to testify
Oh God, I want You. Nothing else will satisfy.
Lord, despite my deathly wrong, You reached down and gave me a new song
I’ll sing it to You. Jesus, I pursue You.

God, I want You. I can’t live without You for a single day.
Oh God, I want You. No force on earth can keep me away.
You gave Your life for a wretch like me. By Your Son, I am set free.
I don’t know why You choose to hear my cry, but here stand I
Wanting nothing else but You

No wealth, no glory will keep me from You
Nothing else will ever do
You are eternal, forever true
May my sight forever stay on You

(c) July 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA, Inc.

I Need a Word From You

***This was written on July 10, 2015***

I find myself at that point in my life where I don’t know what to do.
I tried moving along myself. That didn’t help. So now, I look to You.
My seat isn’t high enough to see what You see. My strength isn’t strong enough to carry me.
I’ve relied on my own strength, I admit shamefully. Help me refocus my vision on those things most holy.

I need a Word from You. I need to hear Your Voice.
I need a Word from You. If You are willing, make the choice
To speak Your Will for me to fulfill. Otherwise, I won’t know what to do.
Speak to me, Jesus. I need to hear from You.

I cannot move without hearing from You first.
I will not turn away from Your Will to learn I took a turn for the worst.
Oh Lord, I don’t deserve You to hear what I say. But please listen to Your willing servant, I pray.
I recognize that I need You everyday. Take control of my life and have Your way.

I need a Word from You. I need to hear Your Voice.
I need a Word from You. If You are willing, make the choice
To speak Your Will for me to fulfill. Otherwise, I won’t know what to do.
Speak to me, Jesus. I need to hear from You.

I’m lost without You. I can’t live on my own.
There’s no way I can make it through all alone.
I trust in You with all my heart. You know what’s best.
You gave me a purpose, and You gave me a quest.

I need a Word from You. I need to hear Your Voice.
I need a Word from You. If You are willing, make the choice
To speak Your Will for me to fulfill. Otherwise, I won’t know what to do.
Speak to me, Jesus. I need to hear from You.

(c) July 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

Unbelief

***This was written on July 3, 2015***
***Inspired by Pastor Diana Swoope***

Mark 9:22-24 22 “…But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 And Jesus said to him, “You say, ‘If You can.’ All things are possible to him who believes.” 24 Immediately, crying out, the father of the child said, “I believe; help me with my unbelief!” (Recovery Version)

When I close my eyes, I see it.
As I’m sleeping, I dream it.
I know I want to be it.
God gave me this vision for a reason;
But then I rise from my bed
I study my surroundings.
I contemplate my current state –
This space that I’ve been placed in;
And I wonder
How can this dream of mine come true?
This dream – this vision I’ve had since I was a boy;
The thought that made me smile when I longed for joy;
This thing that I’m most passionate about.

You are great and strong.
You can do no wrong.
You are full of power.
Your Name is a strong tower.
You are incredibly mighty.
Your presence stays with us daily and nightly.
No one is above You.
No one is in place of You.
There is nothing You can’t do.
There’s no such thing as impossible for You.
I’ve heard this all my life, since I was young.
It’s nothing for these words to be spoken by my tongue.
But for some reason,
My mind sends my heart a contradictory message.
Your Word says, “I can do all things through Christ…”
Which is why I try to be perfect, because my excuses won’t suffice.
Your Word says, “Know that I am with you always…”
But I know I’ve sinned enough to keep you away.
Your Word says, “Greater is He who is in me…”
But my greatness and worth are the size of a flee.
These contradictions reside in the back of my mind, like houseflies in July.
What happened to this Gospel given to me as a boy?
Have I had it for too long? Did I get comfortable with worldly joys?
I was told You can make a way out of no way.
There hasn’t been a day Your works hadn’t phased me – amazed me!
You held the sun and placed it where it needed to be.
You grew the mountains and poured water in the sea.
You made the stars twinkle, You gave the moon shape.
You’re the great Architect, designing the world’s landscape.
From nothing, You made oceans, space, and land.
It seems so large, yet You hold it all in Your Hand.
Not even death held You back from being strong and mighty!
So why do I doubt You can do something miraculous in me?
Through me?
With me?
If the same God who conquered death resides in me,
Shouldn’t that diminish my impossibilities and insecurities?
My mind still has that doubt.
I’ve tried to get it out of my mind.
I know You can do anything,
But my unbelief causes me to doubt me.

Jesus, save me from my unbelief.
Rescue me from my inner doubts and fears.
Help me, Lord.
Help my faith grow.
I believe You can.
Help me with my unbelief.

(c) July 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

Benjamin Isaiah Black’s “FINALE: Curtain Call”

***This was performed live on April 22, 2015***

This was the last show I performed before I graduated. It’s me doing what I do best, doing what I love to do. It’s poetry, it’s mime, it’s film, it’s theatre, it’s music, it’s entertainment, it’s inspiring, it’s encouraging, it’s uplifting, it’s art, it’s godly. I hope you enjoy it! God bless you, and I love you!

(c) April 2015, B.I.B. Productions

You Are the Music to My Soul

***This was written on May 31, 2015***

You are the music to my soul.
There is no doubt about that.
I feel your melody playing.
I am your harmony saying
Continue your sweet sound.
Let me be your instrument.
Use me as your muse, your inspiration.
I breathe your creation,
Your art from your heart.
You start the beat that sets the foundation to my life.
You add the rhythm that gives me the energy to move.
A day doesn’t pass without me hearing you.
Don’t change one note from your composition.
I feed on it.
I yearn for it.
I learn from it
How to live.
You give
Me
Music for my soul.
You keep me from being alone.
I need your tune to keep me alive.
May it never change,
Never be rearranged.
It is my life.
You are my life.
You are the music to my soul.

(c) May 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

I’m About to Graduate

***This was written on January 8, 2015***
***This was filmed and shown at Benjamin Isaiah Black’s FINALE: Curtain Call***

BRO. B.I.B.
I’m about to graduate.
Ain’t it great?
May 9, I’ll wake up no later than 8:00,
I’ll get up and prepare myself to cross the stage.
After 5 long years, it’s finally come to this.
Funny how I knew this day would come, my time at Ashland’s about done.
Yet I can’t believe I’m about to say good-bye to these days of fun –
The events and the atmosphere,
The buildings and the cheer,
The people I’ve met who I love dear,
I love them so.
In a short while, I’ll be saying good-bye to it all,
To this place that’s been a home for 5 years.
I’m about to graduate.
Ain’t it great?
Then why can’t I celebrate
What awaits me?

INNER VOICE #1.
You don’t know?

BRO. B.I.B.
Know what?

INNER VOICE #1.
Know the reasons for your doubts,
What your nervousness and confusion are about.
You know. You know you do.

BRO. B.I.B.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t got a clue.

INNER VOICE #1.
Sure you do.
How prepared are you for what’s out there?
You think you’re ready for the real world?
You’ve got no place of your own, no car, no job – you’re broke.
You’re going back home with Mom and Dad? That’s a joke.

BRO. B.I.B.
What’s wrong with that?

INNER VOICE #1.
You plan on living there forever?

BRO. B.I.B.
No.

INNER VOICE #1.
When are you going to get it together?

BRO. B.I.B.
Would you go?

INNER VOICE #1.
You’re never going to be successful, never –

BRO. B.I.B.
Yo!

INNER VOICE #1.
If you don’t start putting work in.

BRO. B.I.B.
What do you want? Why are you here?
Would you clear the crud out and stop drawing near my ear?

INNER VOICE #1.
I want you to hear your inner thoughts and realize your true fears.
That’s why you’re nervous. That’s why you’re not at ease.
Say what you’re feeling. You don’t have to hold it in like a lion that’s been tamed.
Just say what’s on your mind.

BRO. B.I.B.
Fine! I’m afraid!
I’m afraid! I admit it, I’m scare!
I don’t know what the crud to expect out there.
How do I know I’ll be successful?
How do I know I’ll be great?
I don’t know where I’ll be in 5 years – I know nothing about my fate!
What if I’m not talented enough to make it far?
I have no money, not even for clothes or my own car!
I spend time watching YouTube video, letting out laughs,
When that time could have been used perfecting my crafts.
What if opportunity after opportunity slams doors in my face
And I’m left in some dark, neglected, forgotten place?
That’s not me. That’s not who I want to be.
I never imagined that kind of life for myself.
I’d rather stay here in familiar territory.

INNER VOICE #2.
Now, you know that’s not your story.
You’ll already be paying 5 years worth of student loans.
You want to pay more?

BRO. B.I.B.
What if I died here? They can’t get me if I’m dead.

INNER VOICE #2.
They’d come after your family, bruh.

BRO. B.I.B.
Crud.

INNER VOICE #2.
Are you really going to allow fear to paralyze you from experiencing all that God has for you?
Don’t sacrifice what He created you to do.

BRO. B.I.B.
How do I know this dream of mine is true?

INNER VOICE #2.
I thought you knew.
You know God made you with a purpose in mind.
He’s got great plans for you so divine.
Don’t let fear bind you, don’t be blind to the truth.
God has been watching you the whole time.
Your life is proof of that – you wouldn’t be here if He wasn’t on your side.
He is in front you, next to you, and behind,
Covering you from all around.
He’s even with you right now.

BRO. B.I.B.
How am I supposed to believe that?
Look at where I am, who I am, what I am.
Does this look like someone who’s gonna be a great man?

INNER VOICE #2.
Can you lend yourself to God’s plan?
Have faith in Him?
Trust that He knows what He’s doing even when you don’t?
Don’t think that He’ll let you down now, ‘cuz He won’t;
Not after everything else He’s brought you through.
Don’t act like you’re hearing something new.
Five years ago you said a prayer,
And Jesus heard and answered it because He loves you and He cares.
During those years, He’s seen you through great ups and downs,
Each trial and tribulation –
It was Him who made a way out for you in your situations.
Now if Jesus, THAT God who lives in you
And brought you through everything you’ve been through –
If He provided you strength to endure back then,
What makes you think He wouldn’t do it again?
He’s always there for you, especially when it’s hard.
Just believe that He is who He says,
That He’ll do what He says He’ll do.
God’s not a man that would lie.
You know this is true. Now apply.

BRO. B.I.B.
I’m about to graduate.
Ain’t is great?
And now…I can’t wait!
I anticipate to see what God has ahead.
I gravitate to His Will.
There’s nothing to debate.
Father, please help me eliminate my fears and doubts,
Not to hesitate to follow You.
Your power and might are great, so who am I to underestimate You as You go to elevate me?
That fascinates me.
I will follow you down the narrow and straight,
Working hard with all my strength
Remembering You’re not through with me yet, You did not eliminate me.
You don’t hate me.
You strengthen me.
Educate me in You.
You have a great future that awaits me,
And so I thank Thee.
There’s much to celebrate.
A word I must emancipate.
Have you heard? Ain’t it great?
I’m about to graduate!

(c) January 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.

Too Bad, So Sad

***This was written on January 4, 2015***
***This was performed in Benjamin Isaiah Black’s FINALE: Curtain Call***

I hear tale you don’t like me.
Too bad, so sad.
You don’t approve of my name, Bro. B.I.B.
Too bad, so sad.
So you don’t like my clothes or my style?
Too bad, so sad.
You take issue with my face and smile?
Too bad, so sad.
Someone told me you don’t like how I walk.
Too bad, so sad.
Let me guess, you’re not fond of how I talk?
Too bad, so sad.
You claim there’s something wrong with the pencils I wear,
Too bad, so sad.
And yet, you continue to gaze and stare.
Too bad, so sad.

I’m sorry, let me break for a minute.
If you’ll be a dear, please lend an ear and hear what I have to say.
I understand you take issue with me.
So, maybe I can be loud sometimes.
I’m not always good at expressing what’s on my mind.
I make it a point to give you the real deal of how I feel about something.
Modern pop music: I had it, and I’m not afraid to debate it.
I can’t stand popular fads, they hurt my brain.
Based on my attire sometimes, you’d swear I’m insane,
And I don’t claim I’m not.
I can’t pretend I don’t know why you don’t like me a whole lot.
I’m not fool, I get it.
It’s cool…And yet that
Doesn’t mean I’m changing who I am for you.
Suck it up. Get over it.
You want me to renounce my identity so you can feel better?
Will it make you feel swell, or
Cool like an evening in the summer weather?
Then forgive me for not allowing your feelings and thoughts toward me to change who I am.
No. I take that back.
I’m sorry I was sorry.
I don’t need your forgiveness to be myself.
I don’t need your permission to be free to be me,
Free like an eagle flying high though the sky with his wings spread wide going as high as he may please
‘Cause he’s free.
Not bound by any limitation
He flies with no hesitation.
Likewise, I will not be bound by you.
It doesn’t matter what you say or do.
I’m here to honor Father God, not be pandered by you,
So shoo…and don’t bother me.

You find it odd that I use “crud” and “heathen” in my speech.
Too bad, so sad.
Or that I may randomly dance as I’m walking in the streets.
Too bad, so sad.
There are many things about me I must improve,
Too bad, so sad.
But my focus is on God, not trying to please you.
Too bad, so sad.

(c) January 2015, B.I.B. Productions
(P) BOOYIKA!, Inc.